About Us

Martian Lit may only be understood in the context of the troubled history of our two planets.

Planetary Council Order #429371 (all Martian numbers have been converted to your base-10 system) directed us to possess human forms, either temporarily or permanently, and use them as emissaries to steer your people to greater technology and enlightenment. Despite millennia of efforts, these emmissaries have been repeatedly subjected to human violence, censure of their work, and the utilization of their technology or preachings to further your incessant inter-clan warfare.

In response to your growing ability to detect us, your continued refusal to adopt our enlightened ways, and in particular your consistent stereotyping of Martians as hostile invaders, Planetary Council Order #7825401 required us to cloak our civilization from your own still fractured and warlike planet.

In 41832, or late 2010 as many of you reckon it (based on a misdating of the birth of one of our emissaries you executed), the Kolnikarian Tribunal, our planet’s highest court over aesthetic matters, ruled that Planetary Council Order #7825401 did not apply to Martian culture, only to our physical structures.

Martian Lit was subsequently created amid your currently most powerful clan (the “United States”) to promote and publish work by our emissaries.

Concerned that Martian Lit would lead to knowledge of Mars and Earth’s further rejection of Martian ways, militants within the Planetary Council have introduced a resolution to finally resolve our planets’ differences. In its current form, the resolution calls for colonization of your planet over 72 minutes, eradicating 52.3% of your planet’s human population to make enslaving the remainder more economical. Because human livers happen to be delectable to our palates, Australia has been selected for conversion into a liver-processing plant, staffed largely by human slaves. Pugs, our favorite breed of Earth’s canines, would be given New Zealand and a stock of human slaves to cater to their every whim and to manufacture silk pillows for their beds. These provisions have been added in an attempt to win the resolution broader support.

While this remains only a resolution and not an order, those of us opposing it would like to point to the success of Martian Lit in our arguments. We at Martian Lit respect your right to make your own decisions and are not saying that your civilization will end and your survivors will be enslaved to farm their own bodies as a food source if you do not buy our products. But doing so might help.